"DETOX"

Detox.

We’ve all heard of the sensational benefits of cleansing the body through periodic detoxification. When we detox, we give added help to flush toxic build-up, so the bad efficiently exits the body through our waste.

Well this writing is not about a “body” detox. Sometimes we need to flush toxic people — for our health.

Don’t delude yourself. Believing you can change a toxic person, is believing you can polish a turd. Just as the chemicals we purge during a body detox, we need to detox poison people — without apology, without explanation.  Simply let them drop and splash into the porcelain throne.

Ditch your denial. Admit you are dealing with a toxic person:

1. THEY TALK FAR MORE THAN THEY LISTEN
These people are all about themselves. They do not actually care about you or how you are doing. If they do ask you how is it going, it is usually obligatory, because they want to segue the conversation to themselves.

2. THEY ARE NEVER WRONG
Toxic people are quick to judge others. Unless they are faking humility for appearances, toxic people rarely see any faults in themselves. Their self-righteousness stems from an underling cynicism they carry against the rest of humanity. They cannot admit that they were wrong.  They never apologize. These people will not accept constructive criticism, so they are very hard to work with.

3. DRAMA KEEPS FOLLOWING THEM
They might say they don’t like drama. But they secretly thrive on it. Toxic people create drama. When all seems quiet, it won't last long. Their drama erupts in intervals like clock-work. And the drama keeps following them. They get into fights, disagreements, cast themselves at the center of gossip and scandal, and on and on. Real or unreal. But it will never be their fault.

4. THEY FORCE RELATIONSHIPS
Because they choose not to use their creativity to better this world, toxic people create a false inward world.  Despite giving the appearance of being in the real world of benevolence, (stroking egos and staging their own martyrdom) -- the royalty of toxic kingdoms are masters of illusion, designing a subversive self-serving world.

A toxic king or queen of this world can’t create their kingdom alone.  So they attract nearby/vulnerable travelers to be pulled in, of which stir the hazardous vapors into a brilliant reaction  -- all under the well patroled skies of their very own orb...

...Planet Toxidia.

Planet Toxidia's mutant glow may appear alluring. But as you admire its hues, satellites, and bewitched spacecraft… stay clear of its gravity; don't get pulled in. It’s a sick system. Planet Toxidia is run under a subversive toxarchy. Relationships in a toxarchy are not about genuine connection or real love. These aliens want as many willing accessories to stoke Toxidia's fumes.  Sometimes the participants are promised nothing more than to be bathed in the hyper-lurid radiance. A sense of purpose, with false benefits. The greater number of humans who illuminate the toxarchy, the greater Toxidians and their respective planets appear legitimized, even glorified. This means humans on Toxidia -- regardless of any/all virtues they inherintly possess -- are demoted to a mere number.  There is no relational value on planet Toxidia.  Relationships become primative: "host/parasite" based.

5. THEIR EXPERIENCE IS THE STANDARD BY WHICH EVERYTHING SHOULD BE JUDGED
Toxidians cannot accept that everyone has their own world view, and thus multiple approaches to negotiating the world. For example: when they observe you handling a situation your particular way, they will object and correct you by overstating their dogmatic “correct way”. The toxic person’s ego is reinforced with a sense of superiority by the words and attitude they choose to use to correct.

6. THEY OFTEN LIE
Distorting the truth is part of a toxic person’s nature. Toxidians tend to twist facts for their benefit. Their aim in this is to look good and nothing will ever be their fault. They lie about little things. They lie about big things. They mix truth with lie to deceive further. They track their lies with artful precision. Deception is the offshoot of their cynicism against humanity.

7. THEY LACK TACT AND GENERAL COURTESY
Toxidians will claim tact and courtesy are weaknesses keeping them from "getting the job done." In reality, they hide behind this excuse. Toxic people simply purge compassion from their operational core. Remember they are cynical toward people in general. Their attitude is really a rebellion of sorts. Deep down they have given up on the human race and any empathy they should give thereof.

8. THEY EXHIBIT CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS
The Turds of Toxidia need to feel large and in charge. So if anything does not go as a tyranical turd planned, he/she tends to overreact. They are threatened by anyone else telling them what to do. Toxidians want to have as much power over others as possible.

9. THEY LOVE TO TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
Toxidians crave gossip. It is an extension of their control.  They are compelled to know everything that is happening to everyone. They are masters at gaining the trust of others — just to get the juicy details. If details are few, not a problem. They will pump details in on the fly, just to gin up listeners. Toxidians — like bullies — lift their self-esteem by bringing others down.

Concerned of labeling? Don't want to be too quick to judge? Awe, how sweet.  But then again, toxic people are counting on your common decency to enable them.

Psychologists point out that this brand of sociopath have been around forever.  They are everywhere.  If you haven't already, you will encounter them. Beyond the above outward traits of a toxic person, your inward experience can futher confirm if you are really dealing with Toxdian deceptionists. 

Consider 1-9 above, and if the following dynamic is also true:

1. You dread being near them.
2. You get angry or exhausted around them.
3. You feel like you are supposed to take care of them.
4. They don’t accept ‘no’ as an answer.
5. You feel like you have to always prove or explain yourself to them.
6. Your values go out the window.
7. You are extremely cautious when you are near them.
8. Their drama has a negative impact on you.

So who is it? Name them.

The initial and easiest deterrent of Toxidians is to fly right by planet Toxidia. Don’t land, and certainly don’t placate their culture. However, if you have to intersect their orbit by your occupation, extended family, or otherwise … neutralize them with keen precision.

HOW WISE PEOPLE HANDLE TOXIC PEOPLE:
Below, our friends at https://www.powerofpositivity.com provide an outstanding study summary on how effective people deal with toxic people.  The research of these successful folks unveils their savvy wisdom in practice when encountering a social snake:

1. THE WISE ARE VERY SELF-AWARE
Psychology Today defines the term as “accurate appraisal and understanding of your abilities and preferences and their implications for your behavior and their impact on others.” A keen sense of self-awareness is also an incredibly powerful prevention tool – and a essential one. Being self-aware allows us to acknowledge, understand and account for any internal or external influence that threats to “throw us off our game.” Of course, this includes toxic folk.

2. THE WISE FORGIVE, BUT DON’T FORGET
The gray matter between our ears is not the only determinant of intellect. Intelligence is multifaceted. As it pertains to handling toxic people, emotional intelligence takes the cake. Emotionally intelligent people understand forgiveness as a necessary component of psychological well-being. However, they also understand the importance of not forgetting those who betrayed their trust. This intelligence allows the person to focus their efforts on building relationships with individuals who have earned such a right.

3. THE WISE ARE UNAFFECTED BY CIRCUMSTANCE
Let’s not kid ourselves: it isn’t easy to remain emotionally neutral when amongst toxic people; however, it is an absolute necessity. Resilience is an attribute of emotional intelligence – and one that pays significant dividends when having to deal with toxic people. Since we’re on a “definition-fest,” we’ll define resilience as “that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever.” Make no mistake, toxic people cause many to be “knocked down,” but resilience allows us to come back strong.

4. THE WISE QUICKLY ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES
Smart people often possess the innate ability to remain productive and effective. To this end, they’ll quickly mitigate any detectable threat that may affect that ability. Relatedly, when smart people detect toxic people, they’ll take swift and effective action. This doesn’t mean they’ll be rude and abrasive. They’ll be polite and firm, yet unambiguous and uncompromising. They just won’t allow negative people to affect they in any way, shape or form.

5. THE WISE ARE “ENERGY-SMART”
While toxic people thrive by draining others energy, smart people thrive by maintaining their energy supply. Being “energy-smart” simply means understanding how to manage ones energy in the most efficient way possible. When we’re energy-smart, we won’t allow toxic people to drain this precious resource. Instead, we’ll conserve it in order to take positive action.

6. THE WISE FOCUS ON THE TASK AT HAND
When it comes right down to it, toxic people are simply another external distraction. This perception isn’t dehumanizing – it’s realistic and fair. In fact, many toxic people intend to distract others with their antics. Smart people just do not allow permit such distractions. They’ll focus on what’s in front of them and move on…regardless of who is around them.

7. THE WISE LOOK FOR THEIR SUPPORT SYSTEM As mentioned, smart people are often driven people – individuals that seek a better life for both themselves and their loved ones. It’s also quite likely that such individuals understand the importance of mentorship and teamwork. When faced with the challenge of a toxic person (or group of people), smarties will tap into their pool of trust mentors and co-workers to rectify the situation.

8. THE WISE QUICKLY CHECK NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
Even those with high emotional intelligence are susceptible to negative self-talk from time-to-time. Toxic people can induce negative thinking in others if the recipient is unprepared for such – and this happens to all of us. However, smart people are often able to quickly recognize and neutralize negative self-talk. The ability to neutralize includes counterproductive thoughts that arise from a toxic person.

9. THE WISE ARE SOLUTION-ORIENTED
As is apparent by now, intelligent people have the talent for seeking out solutions to problems. Dealing with a toxic person or group of people is just another issue that demands a solution. In typical fashion, emotionally intelligent people will assess their options and take the appropriate action.

Detox.

~ Now go; flush; and wash your hands. Cheers, to your health! ~

Excerpts from, Psychology Today; Peace Quarters; Power of Positivity "How Smart People Handle Toxic People" Copyright by Power of Positivity LLC

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